-Crap. -MAN: Oh, my God.
Are you okay? Are you all right?
Just give me a second. Just don't... Don't touch me.
Fuck.
I just pissed my pants. Dude, that's disgusting.
(LAUGHlNG) Man. Sick! No!
(CAMERAMAN LAUGHlNG)
So we're here in merry old England,
and Mr Pontius and l overdid it a little last night,
and we're about to practise rugby
with the London lrish, a professional rugby team.
I do not feel good.
They're pretty big boys.
CAMERAMAN: You get kicked in the head a lot.
Baby's cold.
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is rugby.
-CAMERAMAN: How's it going so far? -Good.
This guy's crazy.
MAN: Don't fall.
WOMAN: Oh, my God, that's a piece of crap.
Yeah, Dave.
Hi, I'm Steve-O, and I'm about to get run over by an airboat.
(MONKEY CHATTERlNG)
(WOMEN SCREAMlNG)
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
(MAN YELLS)
MAN: Holy...
BARTENDER: Get the hell out of here!
What's up, dawg? What's going on, man?
What you doing out here doing this for, man?
Ain't nothing like a drunk monkey, man. ...damn.
(HORSE NElGHlNG)
I'm Rick Kosick. I'm a wild buck, and I smell a little doe in heat.
(LAUGHlNG)
JOHNNY: What did you put on me?
-Get up! -What is that?
JOHNNY: You're fucking naked! You're fucking naked!
I am so defenceless.
Get off of me.
CAMERAMAN: Let's hear that horsey. Let's see it.
Make the horsey go. Wait, wait, wait. Make the horsey go, Rick.
Dude, you heard the... I hit my head pretty hard.
I'm Ehren McGhehey, and this is the fire extinguisher.
-CAMERAMAN: Are you all right? -lt went in my mouth.
Oh, my God.
JOHNNY: This is Rene Hoffman.
He owns the Orlando Watersports Complex here,
where I'm gonna hopefully be wakeboarding there today.
I'm very uncoordinated.
I can't even get up on a wakeboard or skis up until this point in my life.
-Do you think you can get me up today? -Well, we have even girls out here
-that do it, so... -Are you calling me a girl?
CAMERAMAN: What's gonna happen to Knoxville when he does it?
Either he'll go really far and eat shit,
or he won't go very far and smash into the jump and eat shit.
-Either way he's eating shit? -Yep.
I'm Johnny Knoxville. I'm about to do some wakeboarding.
Shit!
Today we're gonna have a pie-eating contest.
I'm gonna determine whether the pie is done,
and you can put your hand on the pan, but not on the pie,
and when you're finished, you have to say "Ryan Dunn."
(BLOWS WHlSTLE)
Keep going, fat boy.
He's done it.
Ryan Dunn.
You're full of shit, bro.
MAN 1: I just jacked you up, man.
Guys, I'm in the mood for another one.
PHlL: Who the hell did that?
Phil is officially the winner. He ate five pies.
Phil's the winner.
MAN 2: We've got a winner.
(GROANlNG)
-What's his name? -Bam-Bam.
-Bam-Bam? -Yeah.
Bam-Bam still has his claws, I see.
-How much does Bam-Bam weigh? -MAN 1: He's close to 500 right now.
When he wrestles, the more rambunctious you get,
the more rambunctious he'll get.
If I grabbed his bear..., do you think he would attack?
I think he'd be very upset.
(GROWLS)
Just so you know, when male bears fight each other,
-that's where they do go for. -JOHNNY: They go for the goods?
-MAN 1: That's where they go. -Do we have a cup?
MAN 1: You need this? MAN 2: Not that one.
MAN 2: No? All right.
My name's Johnny Knoxville, and this is bear wrestling.
Hi. How are you?
(GROWLlNG)
(JOHNNY GROANS)
MAN 1: Try to get up, John. You can get up, come on.
JOHNNY: I can't put any weight on my back.
MAN 1: Easy. MAN 2: Easy, buddy.
MAN 1: That didn't look like you were trying...
JOHNNY: (GROANS) My neck.
MAN 1: Take your hand away.
Move your hand. Keep your hands away from him.
Use your elbows.
JOHNNY: He's all right, right now. He tried to break my neck that time.
MAN 1: Okay, Bam, that's it. Good boy. Good boy.
John, come on, get up.
He tried to snap my neck a couple of times.
Yeah, he was trying to... 'Cause he would...
He was smart. He'd get a grip and just rip.
CAMERAMAN: Barge it.
(ROARlNG)
(SCREAMlNG)
(PRESTON WHlSTLlNG)
(WEE MAN MAKES BABY NOlSES)
See the duckies?
Sorry, baby!
I'm sorry, little baby.
-That thing hurts. -It's okay. It's okay, come on.
(CHUCKLlNG)
PRESTON: Come on, baby, you want some? I didn't think so.
MAN: Hey, do you want to roll down this hill real quick?
-No. -MAN: Come on, dude. You'll make it.
-Just go look at it, dude. -I can see it right here.
No, no, go... Go up there and check it out.
-I don't want to get rolled down a hill. -Why not?
-Because I said I don't. -Did you even look at it?
-No, but I don't need to. -Why not?
-Because I don't need to. -You don't want to do something
that might look good on TV? You don't want to do that?
Okay, then, I thought... Never mind. Let's go, come on.
Don't be mad, dude. I just wanted to get something funny.
-Well, I didn't want... -You don't think that would be funny?
-Yeah, but I don't want to do it. -ls this shoot over?
Yeah, what did you want out of it? We got whatever, you know?
-Are you mad? -At you.
-Why? -Because you're an asshole.
Why?
Come on, dude, don't be mad.
I'm good already, all right? I'm already scraped up. I feel fine.
-You're scraped up? Let me see. -All right, and my... So, cool.
This was the stupidest thing ever. All right, so good.
-I'm done with it. -You don't look done.
MAN: What would you prefer?
WOMAN: Is there meat in the second one?
No, there isn't meat in the second one, but the first one is totally made of meat.
Good God!
Thank you for your time.
(SlREN WAlLlNG)
(CHATTER OVER RADlO)
We're here in Buckingham, England, with the Devil's Horsemen,
and we're about to have the gladiator duels.
-Yeah! -Let's get it on.
First action, you go on the chariots, okay?
JOHNNY: Okay.
Chariots come in. You come... You be there.
Let them there, you be there.
Master shot, they come in, they pass through. We stop here.
When we stop here...
CAMERAMAN: What the hell's he talking about?
-This guy's a nut. -...each other. All right?
-Okay. -Okay.
Did you understand anything he just said?
CAMERAMAN: I didn't understand a word.
JOHNNY: Mercy! Mercy! Spare me!
(EXCLAlMlNG)
-Come on, kill me. Kill me. -MAN: Look at that.
Come on, Steve-O.
You got it.
Oh, my God.
That is so...
Where's your... Where's your bike?
(STEVE-O RETCHlNG)
MAN 1: Where's your bike?
CAMERAMAN: What do you think motivates this guy?
God, if you're going to be dumb, you better be tough.
MAN 2: Where's the unicycle? MAN 3: You need the unicycle.
MAN 2: Dude, go get it. MAN 3: Now you got to get back in
and get the unicycle.
Have you smelt that? It's poop.
MAN 2: Be careful.
JOHNNY: Holy... Look at his chin!
Oh, my God.
How did the unicycle stunt look?
This is Mike, our alligator wrangler.
-How you all doing out there? -He's gonna be with us today.
We're gonna take this dead alligator and go have some fun with it.
-Did it die from natural causes or... -Yeah.
-That's good. -Killed by another alligator.
-As natural as it gets. -Notice the lifelike movement of the tail.
Let's go do it.
WOMAN: I'm sorry.
He's carrying a dead crocodile. He's lost his mind.
CAMERAMAN: I know. It's funny. WOMAN: He's crazy!
And why didn't you take a picture of it?
Excuse me. Watch out, sir. Watch out.
Watch out. Watch out.
Here, you want to pet it? Here, pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it.
He's gonna hit me with the chair.
If you want, you can pet it.
You want to pet it? Here, just try it. Come here!
You guys may want to step back just a hair.
It's asleep. You guys can pet it if you want.
-No, no, no, no. -No?
Watch out. Watch out. Watch out. You want to pet it?
Fuck, no.
You can touch it.
Gotcha!
(SCREAMS)
Ma'am, do you want to pet it? You sure?
It's asleep. It's in a sleep state. All right.
JOHNNY: Oh, God! Oh, God!
Do you want to pet it?
Here, want to pet it?
Here, you guys want to pet it? Come on!
Watch out.
-Yeah, can you guys resurrect it? -Yeah.
Hey, Jamie, they're gonna resurrect it. They're going to perform a resurrection.
WOMAN: In Jesus' name...
Dude, this sucks.
CAMERAMAN: The fact that you don't skate isn't gonna make this pretty.
-Good job out there. -Thanks.
Go hit the showers after this.
CAMERAMAN: Dude, you shouldn't do this. You can't even stand...
You can't even stand up on that thing. You shouldn't do this.
Why don't you go down, practise a little bit down there,
and then come up here?
MAN 1: No, just do it, Johnny. MAN 2: Yeah, just do it.
MAN 1: Don't let him talk you out of it, man.
ALL: One, two, three!
(WHOOPlNG)
(CAMERAMAN LAUGHlNG)
(CHRlS WHOOPlNG)
Chief Roberts coming back from the grave.
(WHOOPlNG)
(ALL GROANlNG)
STEVE-O: The chances of this working are so minimal.
-CAMERAMAN: Later, dude. -See you later.
God, God. Listen, you little bitch, you little bitch.
-CAMERAMAN: What are you gonna do? -I'm gonna try to make it in the hole.
Ready?
I'm Steve-O, and I'm about to go get cursed.
The only time I've ever heard of it
is when people make dolls of other people
so they can torture them.
WOMAN: Clarify your mind. Don't worry about voodoo.
I've been banging myself up a lot doing stunts,
and I think I need some healing.
Well, I guess you're being... Then you're baptised, and...
Yeah, let me get baptised in my bikini.
There.
She has her way.
So this is... This is a baptism here?
Well, with the serpent.
-A baptism with a serpent. -Yeah.
The only time I've ever heard of it
is when people make dolls of other people
so they can torture them.
Being tortured was the first state of humanity.
Bang-bang-bang myself, and, yeah, it brings about great reality.
Oh, yeah, banging myself brings about a great reality.
Is voodoo generally a violent industry?
You're supposed to jump up.
-See if you can get me in the butt. -He loves the butt whip.
(MOANS)
-He's supposed to be jumping up. -Yeah, that was a good one.
The whip take away all negativity, bring order.
The whip brings order.
We're removing the negativity with the whip.
Crawl around. Come around.
Yeah, really give it to me.
No.
Oh, yeah, that was a good one. Oh, yeah, there we go.
This whip doesn't play.
(GROANS)
-Yeah, that was a good one. -Oh, my God.
Yeah, there we go.
-CAMERAMAN: Are the bad spirits gone? -Yeah, I think the bad spirits are gone.
Do you know of any little markets around?
-Markets? -Yeah.
What kind of markets?
(FARTlNG NOlSES)
-Like, you go down to La Cienega. -Do I make a left or right at La Cienega?
Let's see, you make a left.
(FARTlNG NOlSES CONTlNUE)
What are you doing? Go away.
-CAMERAMAN: What happened? -I don't know. He told me to go away.
He was, like, leaving farts.
-CAMERAMAN: He what? -Hello, I'm eating. That's rude.
We're off Regent Street in merry old England,
and we're about to play a little soccer.
-MAN 1: Football. -Soccer.
-Football. -Soccer.
Would you like to try a shot on goal? Who's gonna try it?
Oh, shit. Throw me my ball.
Whoever gets a goal on me
gets to have a proper shag with me around the corner.
Come on, governor.
Get it out.
Get that out of here! Okay, here, we've got a professional.
Where'd that go?
For fuck's sake, give me a proper shot.
Not bad for a...Yankee.
All right, here we go.
MAN 2: Just shoot it.
(ALL CHEERlNG)
-What's that? -Just watch the window, yeah?
Well, game to the United States.
-We got shut down. -One more, one more.
We got shut down.
You know, I used to board slide and come off over here.
Is this the immigration office?
(WOMAN SPEAKlNG SPANlSH)
I'm coming from a little bit farther south than Mexico,
but I'm gonna need some immigration service.
I'm gonna have to stay here for a while, and I want to do it legally, by the books.
-Okay. -CHRlS: You got any paperwork for me?
-Yeah, I do. -CHRlS: All right.
-Have a seat. -CHRlS: Don't be scared, miss.
I'm actually a nice guy.
I do sometimes get up to the devil's business every now and then, though.
I'm Brandon, this is Bam,
and we're gonna have ourselves a little cockfight out on the ice.
CAMERAMAN: Yo, yo, why don't you get back here, you little hat-trick-ass bitch?
Get your ass over here.
I seen you in the red circle! That's offside!
That's offside, you little...
You have something wrong with you? Come on, bring it in here.
Bring it on!
Yeah, bitch!
MAN 1: The Wee Man. MAN 2: Yeah, yeah.
Ho, ho, ho, can I get 100 pieces of chicken and 100 Cokes to go?
Oh, Merry Christmas.
Santa's got a lot of damn chicken.
-Okay, bye-bye, merry Christmas. -Thank you, Blanca.
Thank you, senor. Thank you, Carlos.
Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas, little boys and girls.
Fried chicken and Cokes.
Merry Christmas.
-All right, thank you, thank you. -Hey, merry Christmas.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
-Here we go. -MAN: Wait, don't rush.
It's good.
JOHNNY: Come on, now. There's enough for everybody.
Here we go! Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah.
What do you want for Christmas?
-Say a Barbie doll. -A Barbie doll?
-Merry Christmas. -WOMAN: Say, "Thank you."
-MAN: Say, "Merry Christmas." -JOHNNY: All right,
-what would you want, little girl? -I wanted to tell you...
-You want to hug Santa like... -No, I want a Barbie doll.
Okay, you get a Barbie doll, little girl.
-Can I have a turtle, too? -You can have a turtle.
-That's all I want. -All right,
-and a half a pint of... -All I want is a turtle.
Okay, a turtle, a turtle.
Hey, Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad!
(MEN CHUCKLlNG)
-Yeah! -Yeah!
(GROANS)
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
MAN 1: Oh, my God! MAN 2: I'm okay.
Hello, I am Pontius the Barbarian, and today
we are at this Renaissance fair to do some dragon slaying.
Hey, wenches.
-MAN: Ouch. -They're royalty.
Not a problem.
Out of my way, old man.
Sir, I am a knight of this realm in an era where,
if you shall insult a friend of mine by calling him an old man,
you shall speak unto me, and I shall speak harshly to you,
and my word shall carry more weight than your armour.
-CHRlS: Could I trouble you for a... -Do not insult yourself
with your lack of intelligence and your ignorance.
Could I trouble you for a kiss, sir?
Hey, can I try some of those grapes? Why, thank you.
Those aren't real.
Can I have some of that turkey?
Stop it, you little brats.
Hear ye, hear ye.
I'd like to give a demonstration on how you kill a dragon.
The first thing you gotta remember is the mouth.
These guys can breathe fire, so stay away from it.
Look at the dragon!
Baby dragon! Baby dragon! Kill him with your bow.
Get the baby dragon! Get him, come on!
Slay the baby dragon!
Slay the dragon!
Kill the baby dragon!
Kill that dragon!
-Kill that little dirty bastard! -Get him!
MAN 1: Beheaded the dragon!
MAN 2: Oh, my God.
-He's dead. -MAN 3: Bring out your dead.
Oh, my God. What the hell?
Sweet.
-Hi, I'm Rick Kosick. -I'm Johnny Knoxville.
This is urban sledding.
(JOHNNY GROANS)
That hurt.
Look at my... Is that my skidmark from my jacket?
JOHNNY: Let's try it down steps.
-JOHNNY: What time is it? -It's time to go home, man.
(LAUGHlNG)
RYAN: Dude, that smells so...bad. Let me see this.
You're gonna get it all wet, then we've gotta wait
-for it to dry anyway. -I'm not gonna get it wet.
-You're gonna pour it on me. -I am not.
(RYAN EXCLAlMlNG)
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
Where you guys going tonight?
Home.
-Home? Why home? -It's the place to be.
Why are you guys going... Can I go with you?
(WOMEN CHUCKLlNG)
WOMAN 2: Hello, hello, hello. RYAN: Come on, come on, come on.
RYAN: Just a little one. WOMAN 2: All right...
WOMAN 3: What is that smell? That smells.
WOMAN 3: What is it? RYAN: It's menthol.
WOMAN 2: No. WOMAN 3: What is that smell?
WOMAN 2: It smells. WOMAN 3: It's him!
WOMAN 2: He smells! WOMAN 3: Yes, he stinks.
RYAN: No, I do not. I was working out.
WOMAN 2: You smell. WOMAN 3: You smell really bad.
-You stink. -RYAN: You want this back?
WOMAN 2: Yes, you do. RYAN: No.
WOMAN 2: You smell! Get out of the car!
RYAN: Come on. WOMAN 3: Get out of the car.
RYAN: Let's go. WOMAN 3: Get out.
WOMAN 2: You smell. WOMAN 3: Get out.
WOMAN 2: He smells. RYAN: Come on!
It's just a banana. Hey.
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
and we're at the Sunset Ranch in Hollywood,
and we have over one ton of horse poo gathered in a ring about 10 by 10 feet.
Now, I'm about to draw names to see who will battle each other
in the poo joust.
Okay, I'm gonna quickly run through the rules.
There aren't any rules.
Bunny versus Jeff.
JOHNNY: (ON BULLHORN) Come on, Jeff.
Don't let me down, dude.
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
All right, Kosick versus Wee Man.
JOHNNY: Hit him in the face. Get him, Rick.
Yeah!
The next match is Knoxville, that would be me, and Cliver.
Winners' bracket, round one. Bunny versus Wee Man.
Jeff versus Cliver. Winners' bracket, round two.
Yeah!
Wee Man versus Jeff.
(JEFF GRUNTS)
For the championship bout,
the fences, these cinder blocks, the pole, everything is removed.
It's mano a mano. I will be reffing. This is winner-take-all.
Here we go.
One, two...
Very funny.
CHRlS: I'd like to thank all the guys at the gym
who helped me out, spotting me.
This trophy, this lovely trophy, is for the winner, Bunny.
CHRlS: Yeah! Yeah!
Okay, today I'm gonna go try to pick out a mattress for myself,
but it's kind of a bad time,
because I have to urinate really bad.
I like this mattress right here. Can I try it out?
-Help yourself. You can lay on these. -Okay, let me...
Everything has tags on them.
It feels really good. It's really comfortable.
Oh, boy. Oh, my...
-Are you all right? -Oh, dude.
-MAN: What are you doing? -Dude.
I just... I'm sorry.
I have a deviated septum, and...
SALESMAN: Don't be sorry. I understand.
Is there something I can do to help you out?
No, I'm sorry. It's a medical condition.
-Okay. -I need a towel.
(LAUGHlNG) I'm still going.
-Quit laughing. -MAN: That's a long piss.
You stink so bad.
CAMERAMAN: That's no good.
-SALESMAN: You doing okay, buddy? -JOHNNY: All right, l...
-ls there a trash can? -Yeah.
If you want to come back and refresh yourself,
-you can use our restroom. -Okay, thank you for your help.
Okay, man. I hope you're feeling better.
-Thanks, man, I'm sorry. -Don't worry about it.
CAMERAMAN: Dude, the best part about it
is that you squeezed it out, and then he shook your hand.
CAMERAMAN: He's coming. He's coming, man.
JOHNNY: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
CAMERAMAN: That was piss in your face, dude. Piss in your face.
JOHNNY: (LAUGHlNG) That's got piss on it, too.
Okay, we're even.
-CAMERAMAN: That's terrible. -Oh, my God.
I'm feeling haggard.
CAMERAMAN: Do you feel the urine just crawling into your pores?
Yeah.
Dude, that was his urine, like, in your face, dude.
That's, like, his insides on your outsides,
but they're... Wash it out of there. You got to get him back, dude.
JOHNNY: I'm sorry, man.
Nice job, watch Jamie's angle.
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
JOHNNY: You got an ass full of piss.
-JOHNNY: Is it gonna ruin your suit? -No.
BAM: Happy birthday, cuz.
Today we're going out to face the man-eating sharks.
We want to show them that we're not gonna hurt them.
They'll be our friends and let us give them a hug.
I'll be honest with you. There is a certain amount
of element of danger here.
These are wild animals. They are sharks. They do bite,
and they have bitten people before.
The main thing you've got to watch out for is your hand movement.
Don't pull on his tail or anything like that.
So keep your hands
pretty much in close or around. Keep it away from the mouth.
-CAMERAMAN: Have you ever been bit? -Never by a shark.
Steve-O, that's probably the most unattractive thing
I've ever seen in my life.
You look like you have Jimmy Durante's nose in your pants.
Today we're going after the great white tiger shark.
It's one of the most fiercest sharks in the ocean.
MAN: Make a little chum soup here for them.
Put a little... That's it. Let's start the appetizer.
Open your eyes.
(GARGLlNG)
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
BAM: We're gonna try to give them a hug and love pats and whatever we can.
MAN: You look like a bi-curious superhero in that mask.
CAMERAMAN: You got bit?
Steve-O got bit. Imagine that.
STEVE-O: I think we got some pretty sweet footage on that.
JOHNNY: Is it just a little nudge, or are you gonna lose a finger?
-Yeah, I don't think it's too bad. -MAN: Can you have a seat for me?
STEVE-O: I hope I got footage of getting bit.
I got all kinds of footage humping sharks.
MAN: What led to the shark biting your finger?
I don't know.
MAN: Did it have anything to do with you humping the shark?
STEVE-O: It could have.
JOHNNY: Do you feel victorious or defeated, Steve-O?
I mean, for not losing a finger, I'd say it's a major victory, you know?
I don't know a lot of people who have been bitten by a shark.
(ENGlNE STARTS)
CAMERAMAN: Take that... Yo, Chris, take it off.
(CAMERAMAN LAUGHlNG)
Hey, hey, I'll take that.
Hi, I'm Steve-O, and I'm the friendly neighbourhood urinal.
MAN 1: Oh, there he is! MAN 2: Steve-O!
Hey, anybody got to take a leak?
-Line up in front of Steve-O. -Do it on Steve-O.
-Thank you, man. Thank you, man. -Yeah, no problem.
This is my old friend, Jason.
(CROWD WHOOPlNG)
Yeah, my man. Come on over here.
STEVE-O: Hey, you got to go? MAN 3: You got to pee?
STEVE-O: You got to pee?
MAN 3: Come here and take a piss, man.
Don't you feel the pressure in your bladder?
Hey, Steve-O, juniper scent.
Yeah!
-You got facilities for a number two? -MAN 3: You gotta go number two?
I think we could probably work out a number two.
MAN 3: Anybody got a number two in them?
MAN 1: We need one for his head.
MAN 2: Probably have to just tuck your head down.
Here, put a pillow over on this side.
Heads up.
MAN 1: You ready?
(GROANlNG)
MAN 1: Get him back up.
MAN 2: Wait, which is... Is this the top or the bottom?
-Are you okay? -No, I'm not.
That really hurt. I want to see the playback.
MAN 1: At one point, it just took off. Like, you actually got airborne.
Re Adaptation By: Ali Nabawy تقسيم وضبط واعداد الترجمه : على نبـوى جماعة الفن السـابع بالاسكندرية http://wwwsevenart.blogspot.com/ Alynabawy@Hotmail.Com analazyz@yahoo.com